I hate this place so goddamn much

Why in shit did I sign up for this job? Well 24 years ago, I saw a movie called The Thing and immediately transferred to a remote antarctic research facility, leaving my shitty life as a lab assistant behind. But instead of battling a shape-shifting alien being and hanging with a motley crew of cigar-chomping, hard-drinking roughnecks, I study lichen, bryophytes and fungi all day. All fucking day!

And don't get me started on penguins, those rampant little shits. I'd love to kill every last one of them with my bare hands, but it's -91C outside and my hands could only be exposed for mere seconds before the onset of frostbite. You know how many penguins you could kill in mere seconds? Not nearly enough.

Here's where I live. Some of you may have one of these in your backyards.....to store garden tools. Note the fucking penguins...
















Ah, but the hot scientist babes must keep you warm at night, you say (stop, like, blurting things out, ok?) Movie myth, my friends. Let me introduce you to Dr. Heinze, one of my co-workers and shackmates:



The only way this thing could keep me warm at night, is if I burned her alive and literally used her charred remains to keep me warm at night.




Welcome to 'Ice Station Bravo'.